.monday.

I woke to Roy running down the stairs this morning, and rushing out the back door.  Minutes later I heard the sirens of the emt's and fire engine.  I scooped Finn from his crib and wandered bare foot and bed headed out the open back door to hear the sad news that our older neighbor, James, had died.  Roy had been summoned to help, as is generally his role.  I stood their holding Finn trying hard to think of what I could say or do to help in some small way.  To me I think there is NOTHING I could do to even come close to making them feel any better.  But you can't just do nothing.  At that moment all I could think about was how he always brought our garbage can back in after it had been dumped.  This was very helpful when both Roy and I worked, but even after I was home with Finn all day, James would always roll our can back in from the street for us.  So in a small gesture of love and gratitude for his service to us, Roy wheeled their can out to the street for pickup today, and I wheeled it back after it had been dumped.
Why does death almost always feel like a shock?  Like we never expect it to happen and we have all the time in the world to figure out what we are doing and how to do it.  When it's the exact opposite- death is unavoidable, and our mortal time is incredibly limited.
So here I am, feeling sad for Anne, cleaning my house like a mad women because that gives me something to do besides think of death, and trying to think of what else I can do to help.  I thank God for his wonderful plan of happiness, and the sweet peace the knowledge of eternal families is!  It helps ground me through days like this, when it would be too easy to feel scared and lost.

.saturday thoughts.

I ran my first 5k race in over a year.  Really I'm ok with that because I've done plenty of races, and I know I can run one and about what time I can do that, so unless I feel strongly about the charity that's behind the race or I'm just supporting friends I'm fine with just doing my own thing.  But yesterday I ran.  I ran without music or friends to talk to.  I can't remember the last time I just ran without anything else but my thoughts.  It was harder with my own thoughts, because my mind really liked the subject of fatigue and pain.  I kept thinking, "man I must be going pretty fast because I'm feeling it."  Turns out I wasn't going REALLY fast, mostly just my regular pace.  I thought, "This feels a lot longer then 3.1 miles", which it turns out it was about .10 mile longer...that's not A LOT longer though.  That quiet race must have got my mind in thinking mode though, because it hasn't really turned off since.
Even watching War Horse last night my mind was ticking away.  By the way, I really didn't like the movie.  Not because the movie itself was bad, but because I just kept thinking about how sad war IS.  Hate and violence are so far removed from my everyday life that I don't often think about what we as humans can do to each other.  I thought, as I watched, about the individuals caught up in this massive black hole of fear and stress and how far away from the peace of God it is.  And that is sad!  I prayed hard last night for Gods peace and I wasn't so sad anymore.

.summer days are here.

or at least they feel like they are here.  We have been soaking up these warm days, and feeling slightly worn out by all the sun and play they have provided us.  I laugh because, even though it hasn't reached the zenith of heat, that only late summer can provide, my body is already needing constant cooling.   The cooler is pumping in cool air and I'm drinking cups upon cups of water.  Finn and daddy of course can't get enough of playing and taking long bike rides in the heat.
Florida is a week away, and I'm thinking about how much easier traveling used to be.  Back when it was just me, or even just Roy and me...piece of cake.  You throw just one kid into the mix, and I feel like I'm packing for a 3 month expedition into the Andes of something.  Kids require a lot of stuff for quiet travel is all I have to say...so instead of focusing on making and completing packing lists, I'm here, writing pointless things because then I don't have to think about that mountain just yet.
Besides the looming travel I'm looking forward to getting away for a bit and being someplace else just for awhile.  It just feels nice to change up the routine every now and then doesn't it!
This past Monday, Finn went in for his 15 month check up.  I can tell he is so much more aware of things then he was even at 12 months.  He loved the Fish, and the toys in the waiting room, but that was pretty much it.  Getting weighed, measured, prodded, and poked was like the end of the world.  He has yet to break the 20 lb bracket as he weighed just shy at 19lb 15oz, but the Dr. said he is almost back on the charts with his weight, which was a pleasant surprise given his finicky eating.  So at 15 months Finn is growing healthy and strong!
In other big news around here, we finally replaced our old dilapidated dish washer.  I found one on KSL that I liked and by the end of the day Saturday we were in business.  When Roy took out the old one, the fixture was a fixed copper pipe...which apparently makes it very old.  Needless to say we like our newer, and much quieter washer very much!
Me, well I'm still busy running house, and getting healthy.  I've been taking a few classes with some girls from the ward over at the rec center.  They are great classes and fun to have girls to work out with.  I tweaked my back during a class (I must be getting older), and had to take a few days off from everything. I felt like such a slug by Monday, that I knew I wanted to get my body moving.  I actually ran the farthest I've ever ran in my life...6 miles in 60 minutes!  I have no desire to run a marathon or even a half at that, but I'm pretty stoked that I had the patience to run that far.  I get so bored after 4 miles that I want to go crazy, but I must have had a mental breakthrough or something because I did it and I'm ready to do it again!
Alright, enough chit-chat...I've got to get back to life and these two hooligans.  Happy Wednesday!!

Little Lilly and Finn getting into trouble

.where are we going.

Finn is trudging his way through breakfast as I sit and type.   I think of that line from the Christmas Story all the time when he tells how his brother Randy hadn't voluntarily eaten a meal in several years.   It seems that is going to be our lot with Finn and food.  Unless its something he really likes like pears, he usually just mashes and pushes it around on his tray until it eventually gets thrown to the floor by his little hands.  I'm pretty sure he gets most of his calories from milk still...thankfully!  I guess I'm coming to terms that little man is not much of an eater, what bothers me most is all the wasted food that I try to get him to consume *sigh* oh well.

With a child I've discovered sometimes its best not to have any expectations, especially young ones, Easter was no exception.  Finn slept through the big Easter egg hunt, which is fine because when he did wake up he promptly found one egg and was content just to examine that single egg with its mysterious contents.  Sunday morning he played with his new animal fridge magnets and bubbles (which he says now), but mostly he just wanted daddy's bellybutton.  Finn is his own little person, with his own interests of the world around him.
On the home front this past week, I have made it a goal of mine to stay on top of the cleaning, especially in the kitchen.  Am I the only person who lets the dishes just pile up throughout the day, and then just hate it at the end of the day when I have to sit and do them all?  This is one of my MANY bad habits.  So this week I determined to do them after every meal and wash the counters and sweep the floor throughout the day.  It was amazing!  Such a simple change made a big difference.  Not once did I feel cluttered or overwhelmed about the state of my house this week, because once the kitchen was cleaned I just made my way around the house picking up little things here or there.  With my house in order I was also able to focus on the other areas of my life...spiritual and physical.  I've been running to try and loose these last 8 pounds or so.  I started at 45 min 4 days a week and I'm now up to 50.  Its been tough if for nothing else but the time commitment, but some days I'm just mentally and physically beat.  I had an entire week where every run felt like drudgery and hurt almost from the first mile.  Of course this past week I finally had an amazing run where everything just clicked.  I can honestly say it was 50 minutes of bliss (I've never said that about ANY running).  I know I felt that way because I knew what it felt like to hurt the whole 50 minutes.  I'm not naive enough to think that I'll have great runs from here on out, but it was a nice motivator to keep up the hard work, because every once in awhile, you get to enjoy it!
As far as events on the horizon...Finn goes in for his check up next week so we will see how much our little dude has grown, plus I'll be asking for any doctororily advice about travelling with a 15 month old.  Our little fam is venturing off to Florida for a week in May.  We are excited to show Finn off to everyone there, but first we have to get there.  Seattle's one hour flight will feel like a breeze compared to the 5 hour flight.  I'm doing all my research, and gathering advice from mothers who have been in the trenches of flight with babies, so here's hoping for uneventful travels.

.life as a finn.

It seems that since little big Finn has reached his pivotal 1 year mile marker, my posts have shifted in other directions.  I don't necessarily feel that that is a bad thing, but I sometimes forget that I'm not writing down all the sweet new things that little man of mine does and in some cases doesn't do.
For one thing he is crazy inquisitive.  I've heard that boys are like that...you know figuring out how things work mechanically rather than playing patty cake or what not.  This is entirely true in Finn's case.  He loves pushing and pulling things (even though he walks fine by himself), and he watches how the wheels and gears move as he does this.
He's a big mimicker, especially if daddy is doing or showing him something.  The other day Roy was trying to get his attention from pulling the petals off the flowers by hitting a stick on a tree.  Of course a few hours later while we were at the park, Finn busied himself hitting a large trunk of a tree with a broken branch he had scrounged up.  Of course he picks up on everything else we do like plugging in plugs and throwing everything into the garbage *sigh*.
Wants to be outside 24/7.  If he's being an ornery cuss, or just mischievous, we always head outside to re-center ourselves.  Of course coming back in is always a fight to the death, but I guess that happens when little ones start expressing their opinions.
Not a big talker this one.  I've heard him use some words from time time like...ball, mmm, ohh, and baba.  He says dadoo a lot for daddy, which I just melt over, but other then that there is just a lot of pointing around these parts.  Of course he makes the occasional sound effect like vrooming cars and woofing dogs...you know the important things.
Finn is completely in love with daddy.  Part of me thinks that is just how it's supposed to be, because little boys love being wrestled and getting dirty with their dad's.  But there is a small part of me that thinks, I'm fun too Finn!  I sing funny songs, dance like a crazy person, and read books.  It's just a different kind of fun I guess.  Oh well,  I don't begrudge Roy that role of father too much, because I know I'm the one that gets his quiet love.
He has gigantic teeth!  I can say that right, because I'm his mom and love all his funny quirks like the fact that he has hair on the top of his head that refuse to lie down.  But seriously he has chicklet for front teeth!  I love them when he grins and squawks at me.  I know he'll grow into, but for right now, I just get to enjoy!

.what weekends are for.

I tend to pack my weekends full of cleaning and other household projects that never seem to get done during the week.  This weekend was going to be no exception...especially since it was conference weekend.  Growing up, conference weekends were spent together as a family working while conference played over the radio.  I quite enjoy that actually, and I had planned for a painting weekend to conquer another wall in the house.  But as Saturday approached, the less inclined I felt to work on my house.  So instead of painting, we played.
On Friday after work, Roy and I rolled Finn down to the park to play.

We practiced our deep squats

Wandered in the grass to our hearts content

Gazed at the clouds

and just plain had a fun time outside

Saturday, despite what I knew inevitably awaited us downtown, we waged through the crowds down at City Creek.  I found a new skirt, but felt completely overwhelmed in the process.  I now know why I prefer to shop online.  We captured a glance at some of the jewelry at Tiffany & Co.  And ended the afternoon with a Carmel apple in the raging winds.
At home after all the craziness of downtown, we were exhausted!  I'm left to assume that just the pure over stimulation and the crowds were to blame.  So after priesthood it was some Chinese, and early bed.
After two days of beautiful weather I knew Sunday was going to be wintry again, but I insisted we get out early for a quick walk.  Quick indeed it was because the weather turned sour and forced us to turn around.

Roy had Finn hunkered down in his coat as the rain came down

The rest of Sunday was spent cozily inside listening to general conference and being with family.  Finn finished the evening off with a REAL haircut...not just a trim.  Sadly he looks even older.
Now that the weekend has rolled into the new week I'm starting all my projects that I should have conquered over the weekend...including something with this.  I hope it turns out!