Then I got home and realized I had missed breakfast with all my sisters. I was frustrated, annoyed, and guilty over the fact that I had forgotten, and hadn't made sure to mark the important event down. I'm very hard on myself for missing details like that, and I do it a lot. Details, like remembering my phone, purse, or anything else vital to everyday life (even last night I left my purse at my mom's house). I feel like I'm so busy keeping all the big stuff running, that all the little things, even important ones, get forgotten and lost. Am I the only who feels like this? As the day wore on I just became more and more bogged down. I was stressing out trying to get dinner ready for the missionaries...who never showed because of a miscommunication from the lady who schedules the dinner. So there I was in a hot kitchen, full of dirty dishes, and more food then we could possibly eat. You guessed it, I was not happy! The next time we have the missionaries for dinner I have vowed that it will be take out pizza or grilled cheese sandwiches...nothing to cause me more stress. I went to bed tired and flustered!
Sunday didn't fare much better. All I can say is that I just felt unhappy. I cried and discussed with Roy my frustrations with myself, life, and feeling stuck in our situation that seems to repeat itself in a bad cycle. Any chance I feel like we might be able to get ahead and do something to change our situation...BHAM...LIFE. This is nothing new for anyone, so I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but really I would just like to see some sort of direction to follow instead of feeling in limbo. I hate feeling stuck more then anything. This is my current trial, and it may seem so trivial to most, but I'm of the believe that it doesn't matter the trial, we are all the learning the same things.
Lest you think that I'm all doom and gloom, Sunday night we took the kids to my parents, and enjoyed, eating fresh nectarines on the grass and talking as the night wound down. I love my husband, kids, and family more then anything, and I'm blessed beyond measure. I'm aware that the Lord is guiding and directing our lives in ways I can't even see. For all of this I'm beyond grateful!
Reading with Finn at night is one of my greatest treasures in life.
6 comments:
Beth, I so do relate to your "stuck" situation. If it's not trivial to you, it's not trivial. There are good days and there are bad days. Call me if you need to talk.
Hey when stuff like that happens to me, I just shrug my shoulders and say, "It must have been meant to be." Sometimes it's for the best, other times it's just really a pain in the neck. But sometimes that can't be helped. Just like your feeling of being stuck. You do what you can, and have faith that the Lord will provide the rest when you need it. Love you so much Beth!
So often I feel like I'm doing all I can to simply keep my head above water--forget trying to do more than that!! Know the feeling, Beth. Keep moving forward!
I must admit that I feel better having read this post. I feel better knowing that I am not alone. Just yesterday I was lamenting to Doug about how frustrating life is right now and about how I feel like I just can't get a handle on anything. Like Kim said in the previous comment - if feels like all I'm doing is barely keeping my head above water. So I guess I am trying to say - I hear you and I am glad to know that we are all in this together! Miss you and love you.
Love you Beth. I know the feeling. Just keep on keeping on. Sometimes I think a big part of life's struggle is enduring the dreary parts. Some day when you look back at this time it will be with fondness. :)
Beth this is coming after the fact. I too have the same moments and should write about them in my blog. there is comfort for me in reading your blog because of that reason. We really are all in this together--the ups and downs and even with the age difference of mother and daughter--it really is almost the same. I love you and know you love me, and that seems to make it much better and bearable.
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