.firsts.

Last night was the first night in a week were I slept.  I'm talking the sleep of the dead.  A sleep without waking up to go to the bathroom 3 or 4 times.  A sleep without waking babies.  A sleep without sore ribs or restless legs.  And best of all...a sleep without a stomach bug or contractions.  It was seriously the best thing!  I didn't stir until Roy was kissing me goodbye to go to work around 7, and the babies slept until 7:30.  That was a precious gift for this pregnant momma, especially after our second round of stomach crap.
I spent most of Wednesday night battling nausea and pain.  If you've never had the pleasure of Braxton hicks contractions mixed with a healthy dose of stomach cramps...you're not missing anything.  I pretty much wished I was dead the whole night.  Thank heavens for Roy being able to stay home and play mr. mom, and my mom providing food and cheer for my poor family.  I stayed in bed with the window opened listening to the rain and watching pride and prejudice.  I haven't been able to do that since Finn was born, so I guess there were a few happy points yesterday.  But most of all I'm just happy to feeling back to normal, and especially for wonderful...WONDERFUL sleep!

.glimmer.

The end of last week was rough.  Finn has been potty training for our second go around, and he seems to go in spurts where he does really well, and then completely resorts back to being lazy and not caring.  We have tried all sorts of positive and negative consequences seemingly getting no where.  I was beginning to feel like it might not happen at all.  On top of the frustrating moments of getting a toddler out of diapers, I'm getting less and less sleep with this pregnancy.  Baby has wedged its heel in under my right ribs, and it takes laying on my back to relieve the pain.  Unfortunately, sleeping on the back causes other pains altogether (I seem to have a lot more contractions on my back).  I suppose that is a perfect storm for my short temper, and annoyance.  I was also trying to get the taxes done this week too, and that just added to the stress of it all.  So I guess looking back, I can see where these emotions where stemming from.  My mom, in her kindness and wisdom, suggested we get ourselves to the Temple.  We arranged to go Saturday night, but the whole day leading up to it was terrible.  Roy and I were equally annoyed with each other, and we were short with the kids.  The tension was palpable the whole day!  We were running late to my parents which made my frustration with Roy even more acute, but being in the Temple was just what we needed.  You really can't hold onto your anger and frustration if you open your heart to the spirit.  Sitting together in the Celestial room with Roy, it was as if the whole day and all of it's emotions had never existed.  It was so wonderful to sit and let go of all the unhappy things we had let take over our day.
That seemed to turn the rest of the weekend around, we found that Finn's toys are a great motivational tool for staying dry.  If he has an accident then we take one of his toys and put it into time out and he can only get it back if he stays dry the rest of the day.  It took 2 days and he has been dry ever since without a fuss or a fight.  Just when I felt like there was no hope for Finn, suddenly things have turned around and become a positive learning experience for us both.
I'm so grateful for those glimmers of hope and light when everything seems to be failing or falling down all around us.  It may be just a moment of peace or reprieve with your best friend after a terrible day, or finding a motivational tool for your potty training toddler, but those moments can lift your heart and make the weight just a little lighter.

.a little bit of everything.

I've been thinking of so many things that I have wanted to post about and just haven't got around to doing anything about it.  Of course now that I'm sitting down to do it, I can't remember anything of interest that I want to put down, but I'll try to put something down so I don't feel like life is being missed.
With just the two kiddos and myself these days, we have managed to get out a bit more.  It has been both wonderful and exhausting all at the same time.  Before we go anywhere, I seriously consider if its worth my time and energy.   Despite that fact, we do in fact get out.  Last week we walked down to the park and played for hours.  I don't know why, but the first few warm days of the year always make me want to get out and soak it up as much as I can.  This year in particular since we didn't get out to enjoy the winter activities as much as I would have liked.  Meg wandered around soaking up the sun, and watched as Finn ran around checking out everything.  He's at a perfect age where he can do pretty much everything on his own, and I don't have to crawl after him, or worry about him falling of the taller toys, and Meg isn't quite to the age where she's too curious yet, so it works out for all of us.

On the days that it's still just a little too cold to get out, we find ways to entertain ourselves at home.

 Finn loves tractors and cooking...sometimes at the same time.  He is such a creative little boy, and mimics what I do in the kitchen a lot.  He loves bread making days, and requests to help make dinner a lot.  Sometimes it's a lot more work, but his excitement is so great, I can't say no...plus it keeps him busy and out of trouble.

 This is the smile I'm going to miss.  This was our last day with Gavin (about 2 weeks ago).

Getting a picture of Meg is becoming more and more elusive these days as she can't sit still for anything.  Her current obsession is any and all remotes.  She is teething like crazy and has five teeth with more on the way.  She already LOVES shoes!  If we put any on her feet she will walk around constantly looking at her feet, and she is often found trying to put on Finn's shoes.

 A few things about this picture:
-Both kids aren't wearing any pants because Roy just changed them.  Does anyone else's husband never put back on their pants after diaper changes?
-Although Meg is not wearing her pants she is wearing a jacket...this girl loves clothes too.
-These kids just love reading books with daddy, and it melts my heart!

It's been a busy past few weeks, with kids, work, and just plain life.  Roy has been doing lots of extra things that have kept him gone, and I have felt burned out all around.  I told Roy I needed to take some time for myself so I went and had my first ever pre-natal message.  It was AWESOME!  I can't justify the expense as often as I would like to, but I needed it for my sanity.   A complete hour of just ME!  I think me and the baby both appreciated that.

As far as baby and me go, we are in a good spot.  I regret not having done a journal of anything leading up to the birth of #3, and wish I would have kept track a little better of all the things that this pregnancy has brought besides all the emotional upheaval.  More and more I have felt how blessed we are to have had three healthy pregnancies and babies, and how important it is to be able to bring these sweet babies into a good home where they are loved and cared for.  Heavenly Father has blessed us, and we have an obligation to care and teach these children.  It still all feels overwhelming at times, but I know we will adjust and grow, just like we have with Finn and Meg.   At first I felt like this was such a burden (and in a lot of ways it can be), but I was looking at it the wrong way.  I've read a lot of things lately and talked to a lot of people that have helped me see the bigger picture a little better.  I've had to change my expectations, and give up a lot of the control to God, but through it I've learned to be at peace with our situation.  We may not sell our house and get into a bigger house before we out grow this place, and we ARE having three babies under 4, but those aren't bad things.  It's all working out for our good if we continue to do all we can the best that we can.

.remembering.

Last night as I was watching the opening ceremonies to the Sochi Olympic games, I was remembering my travels to St. Petersburg, Russia back when I was in college.  It's been so many years since then, but I could still recall many of the amazing things I saw and learned on that, my maiden travel voyage.  Strangely one of which is the metro's warning about closing doors...am I the only who has random foreign language sayings come to mind when they hear a certain sound?
That was my first trip outside of the U.S.
It was my first trip flying solo (although not originally planned that way)
It was my fist time having to get a visa, which we found out we had to have as I was leaving Salt Lake
It was my first time that I walked the streets of New York City looking for the Russian Consulate to get my overnight visa.
It was my first time riding in a New York taxi.
It was my first time traveling 12+ hours (I didn't sleep a wink because I was so nervous about navigating the Russian Airport by myself).
It was my first time experiencing life outside of my bubble ( it was a good bubble mom & dad).
It was scary, fun, exciting, eye opening, wonderful, and gave me the desire to travel!

 At the St. Peter and Paul fortress.  Behind you can take a gander at the ice capped river and the line of nearly naked bodies sunbathing along the fortress wall.  I think this day it was about 35 degrees...just above freezing.

 I was dumb enough to think that I would be warm enough with the coat and scarf that I would wear in Logan winters.  I wasn't.  Even in March, St. Petersburg is COLD COLD COLD.  Tamara (the women I stayed with), lent me her shapka to help keep me warm.  It was AWESOME, and yes very warm!

Near the summer palace with a Pushkin monument.

What an amazing world we live in, and I'm so grateful to have been able to see some of it!

.randomness.

As the title implies, this post is composed of all the random bits procured over the past week or so, and just a few thoughts for the coming one.

Despite being pregnant and exhausted, I have made it through the entire winter without nary a sniffle.  The kids had a few colds, and Roy had the flu, but I seemed to dodge it all...until this past weekend. It wasn't even that bad, but I had some sort of sinus bug that sapped what little energy I had.  I laid around like a slug all weekend, and just started feeling a bit more like myself last night.  This morning I'm happy to report that I feel renewed and back to regular tired self.

This week marks the last one of watching little Gavin.  When I took on the post of child care about 7 months ago, I wasn't planning on being pregnant, and being able to do it for a bit of time.  That all changed in August when we found out #3 was on the way.  I knew I couldn't watch another child with a new baby, and emotionally I have had a rough round this time so I told my dear friend I couldn't do it any more.  Physically, it's coming at a good time because it's getting too hard to haul around two babies and get down on the floor and change diapers all day.  Add to all of that a rascally three year old who is requiring a lot of my patience, and it needs to happen.  As much as I love having happy Gavin, and I will miss that kid's smile (because it melts my heart), I'm looking forward to spending the remaining three months with just my two kids, and getting some things in order before #3 shows up.

Speaking of rascally three year olds,  I'm came to a conclusion about his recent increase in attitude.  Last week Finn started really fighting his afternoon naps (like not taking one at all, and keeping Meg from taking hers).  I had also noticed the last few weeks that he wasn't going to bed until close to 9:30.  I knew he was getting to the point of not having to nap, but I was really dreading giving up my time in the afternoon.  I finally gave in and stopped the naps on Tuesday of last week.  It suddenly occurred to me that that was when his attitude took a dive.  The obvious correlation?  The kid is getting used to the lack of sleep in the afternoon, and is usually quite tired by bed time.   Hence an ornery cuss that want's to fight about everything.  It seems so obvious now, but I didn't connect the two until Friday.

missing his nap, he fell asleep while watching a quite time show.  He has the face of a three year old who spent the afternoon playing in the dirt...it makes me happy to see it!

Our routine is changing a lot around here, especially with no napping.  We no longer watch any shows in the morning, and spend our time instead with toys, reading, or playing music.  When Meg is down for her morning nap, we have quite time were he can watch a show.  Then it's lunch and more play time with the babies.  During Meg's afternoon nap, we try to get outside especially since we get some nice sun on our south side.  I try to limit more tv watching, but depending on the night, I put it on when I'm making dinner to distract the kids from fighting over toys.  I'm planning on getting a binder put together with some worksheets and such to start having some learning time in the morning with Finn.  I'm kind of lazy when it comes to that, and It's something I'm trying harder to be better at.

I've started having my pregnancy insomnia again.  This happened with Meg's pregnancy too.  I usually fall asleep just fine, but wake up around 4 wide awake and usually feeling anxiety about giving birth.  Some nights I have the worst restless legs that just crawl.  I try to remind myself it's all just temporary and that it will all be over soon, but it still feels like a never ending cycle of needing sleep, but not getting it.

Spring seems so close that I can feel it.  It's been a rather mild January for Utah, which is just making me antsy for some warmer weather.  If only the air was as mild as the temperature we would be outside so much more.

We are starting the final stage of potty training Finn.  The initial try worked to some degree, but he was so inconsistent, I was getting tired of cleaning dirty underwear, and it was becoming such a battle between us, that I just decided it wasn't worth all the aggravation.  Buying diapers for another 6 months has totally been worth it!  The last couple of weeks we have dipped our toes back into it, and it has been SO much easier.  He does all the work himself, doesn't need to be reminded all that often, and there is absolutely no battle.  The goal: be out of diapers before baby arrives!

.flipped.

It happened, something flipped in my little boy.  Within the last week he has become a monstrous three year old, full of tantrums and telling me what to do.  We've had two solid days of ridiculous fits over such things as parked tractors and popcorn.  Yesterday, after I totally lost it on him after one such fit, I sat on the couch and cried in guilty exhaustion, while he continued to scream in the corner.  I thought, how am I possibly going to be able to have another baby with "THIS" happening.  I feel completely overwhelmed with this new found attitude and stubborn behavior.  Add to the fact that I'm 7 months pregnant with the inability to physically control some of his temper without exerting a lot of my already depleted energy, and you can imagine that my patience is pretty much shot.  I talked to Roy about it all last night, trying to devise some strategies to help teach Finn what behavior is appropriate, and help nip some of this in the bud.  It has come down to being clear about our expectations (making those expectations realistic), and being consistent and immediate with the consequences instead of letting him drag it out over and over beating down my defenses.  I felt better and more confident after talking some of the issues out, and was ready to sleep off the days frustrations, but then Finn woke up in tantrum mode at 10.  I went in to try and console him, thinking he had a bad dream, but he just yelled and threw his ducks at me.  I threw my hands in the air and told Roy it was all his.  Roy held Finn and tried to calm him down, but nothing seemed to help.  Suddenly, he caught sight of me next to him in our bed, and came right over and snuggled down in the bed right by his momma.  My angry, tired heart melted as he settled sweetly next to me.  I know he is going to test his limits and mine as he's growing, but I hope he knows that I will always be there to love and hold him, that he will always be MY little man no matter how frustrated he makes me.  It was a tender mercy from the Lord after a very long day, to have a sweet moment like that to remind me of all the love I hold for my little boy.

.observations.

My children are two very different little people.  obviously I've always known this, but as they both continue to grow into their personalities, it is becoming so much more apparent.  

When it comes to eating, Meg is much more of foodie and will eat about anything placed in front of her.  About the only thing I think she already doesn't like are hard boiled eggs.  It must be the texture, because she will devour scrambled eggs as fast as I can scoop them onto her tray.

Finn on the other hand has and continues to be rather picky.  Last night he went through all of his pasta and ate all the noodles leaving every single tiny sliced tomato.  He will eat corn on the cob likes it's going out of style, but I have to force him to finish any frozen or canned corn.  He is the opposite of Meg and will only eat hard boiled eggs...it makes for lots of cooking on egg days.  I don't really cater to his eating habits (except for the eggs), and know that if he's hungry he will eat about anything I place in front of him.  I'm hoping he will grow out of some of food habits, but we will see.

I've already mentioned before how Finn doesn't really care for music.  I sing to the kids each night before bed and he will be bouncing around in his crib like and acrobat and wrestling with his animals.  The only hint that I get that he is listening is if I sing a song out of order (yes, the songs we sing have to be sung in certain order).  Meg shows more interest by dancing and clapping.  I call her my tiny dancer, because she will stop whatever she is doing when a song comes on and start moving.  She loves toys that make noise, and loves sitting on my lap playing the piano.

Our little miss LOVES attention.  She loves to have one, if not both parents in plain view, and has started crying if we leave her alone upstairs.  Even if there are toys to be played with, if I'm not paying attention to her, she comes over and clings onto me.  It's a bit of pain sometimes to have a munchkin clinging to your leg constantly.  

Finn likes his space, and the attention has to be on his terms.  He will invite you to come and play HIS way, and if you try to do something he's not in the mood for he will let you know.  He plays contentedly by himself, but has recently liked having more attention.  This is probably due to the fact that little sister demands quite a bit of what used to be all his attention.

I love the variety of life these two little ones bring, and I'm glad I get to call them mine!

 Meg explored the park for the first time last weekend.  The sun was so nice and warm even in the dead of winter.

 She also let me snuggle her a lot while brother went crazy climbing on everything.

It was such a nice day that was greatly appreciated after the long cold days we've been locked up in the house.  Just check out that blue sky, and my family enjoying it all!